Those Sandy Shoes Just Can’t Come Back

A man came in early one morning as the store was opening and walked up to the Service Desk.  He was polite and asked me how I was doing, I showed him the same pleasantries.  And then he puts the bag on the counter.  Says, the shoes didn’t fit and he’d like to return them.  Alrighty then.  He had the receipt, I open the bag and unveil the shoes.
They were water shoes.  And they were covered and filled with sand.
“They didn’t fit, huh?”
“Yeah, she said they kept slipping off her feet.”
  “That’s a shame, but I can’t take these shoes back.  They are dirty and worn.”
  He stares at me for half a second before looking at me blankly and saying “Oh, I didn’t know that.”
                You didn’t know you couldn’t return shoes covered in beach sand or didn’t know that she had worn them half to death?
I stared back at him and said “Yeah, you can’t return shoes that look like this.  I can’t resell this.”
  He thanks me, grabs the bag and walks out, probably cursing me under his breath.  After I thought he was safely out the door and out of earshot, I let out a big guffaw.  Seriously?  How are you going to try to bring back shoes that are covered in sand, and even bent upward at the toe?
People never cease to amaze me with the shit they try to pull.
Just the other day, I had a couple come in with their kid and try to return some shoes.  Same excuse, too big/too tight, need to exchange.  Alrighty-do.  I take the shoes out of the bag and presto.   The bottoms are all kinds of dirty, there’s even some goo stuck to the men’s shoes and hairs coming out of it.  The kids shoes barely had the tread on the bottom left.  I take a look at the receipt.  Purchased over a month ago.
  “I can’t take these back looking like this.  You said they were worn once.  This is worn more than once.”
“But they didn’t fit.”
Well that’s just not the point, is it lady?  If they didn’t fit, you should have tried to exchange them before the two of them wore them around town for a month.  Sorry that you saw shoes that you liked better, and I’m sorry that little Junior’s feet grew faster than you expected, but I’m not taking back shoes that originally had white soles and now have patchy black and brown soles.  Just doesn’t work like that.
  The only time it’s an exception in returning your worn shoes is if within a few days or week or purchasing a buckle or strap or part of it totally falls apart, that is an obvious defect in the item and we can return that and defect it out of our system and let you get a pair that won’t have that issue.
The shoes you put on Grandma for her funeral won’t fly either.  Sorry, but if they come in smelling like embalming fluid, I’m not even going to try to tell you that you can return those things.  You can just take those right on back and trash them, or whatever with them.  I don’t care, but I’m not taking back shoes that the dead wore, even if it was just for an hour or two while she sat in a cold church sanctuary.
Now, one time, we did have a guest come in with a pair of heels that on the soles of the shoes and the box, and the tag, mind you, were all marked size 9.  However, if you looked inside the shoe, one was marked size 8 and the other was marked size 8 ½  Yeah, defective, straight up.  That was an odd manufacturer fault.  How something like that even made it through inspections is beyond me.  But hey, anything can slip through every now and then, right?  That’s what happens when you paint your nails on the conveyer line.
I’ve seen people bring in shoes that I know that they have probably worn once or twice or maybe just for a special event, but you know what?  They hardly look like it.  If there’s just a tad of dirt on the bottom, the kind that could be picked up from several people a day trying on the shoes in the store, then yeah, I’ll take it back.  But really now, if it looks like you ran them through the washing machine a few times to get them clean, then no, no I will not take back your fungus toe shoes.

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