Always a Bucket of Sunshine

Now, I’m not one to brag but not once in the near-year that I’ve worked at my store has a guest lodged a formal complaint against me.  Which, in all honesty, has surprised me just a bit.  There are days when I feel less than happy to see my guests’ faces.  Especially when its yet another Richie Rich coming in to drop about $500 on their groceries and clothes and other things that just “caught their eye”  Sometimes these random items are no less than$30 bucks. 
So, maybe that’s just a bit of jealousy speaking there, but hey, we all have our pet peeves, right?  I’m sure if I had that kind of money, I would be coming in on a whim to drop it on a $2000 TV as well.  Then again, the neighborhood our store is in is set in a more well-off area anyway.  So, that money is really just pocket change to them and they don’t have to decide between eating for several months or getting a third mortgage on the house.
Aside from my grumps about people who have more money than me, I really just don’t want to deal with people some days.  I manage to be nice and polite to most all of my guests.  Even the ones who take about twenty  years to write out a check.  Or the ones who insist on chattering on their cell phones the entire time I am ringing up their items.  They are also the ones who look at me grumpily when I tell them their total a little louder than I normally would.  Just so they know that I think they’re a total dumbass.
And it seems that some days, we just have a rush of dumbasses coming into the store.  People who look at me blankly when I tell them their total.  Or people who insist on holding up the line so that they can get the fifty cent price difference on the economy pack of Charmin.  Oh, that sign was actually on the economy pack of Bounty, well, too bad if it’s worded for Bounty and not Charmin, I still want the price adjustment because of how it was labeled.
  Alright, asshole, I’ll change it for you, but I want you to know that I hate you, so I will sigh heavily and punch the keys on my keyboard harder.  That will show you.
Then there are the people who put all of their items onto the conveyer belt but want to watch me ring up each individual item and check the price on them all.  Or even better, when they put them all on the belt and after I start ringing things up say “I didn’t want that, why did you ring it up?”
  Well, I don’t know, darlin’, maybe because you didn’t tell me. 
Of course, I will polite apologize and void the item off the transaction and keep going.  Then they look at me like I’m an imbecile until they leave.
The one thing, though, that I’m really surprised I don’t lose my top over with guests is when they decide they don’t want something, so instead of handing it to me and saying so, they stuff it within my check lane in the candy or chips or gum.  Hey, fucktard, I’m standing right here just hand it to me.  Sometimes, I will say “Uh, you can hand that to me instead of putting it over there.”  Most of the time they look mad that I called them out.
I don’t come to your job and trash the place.  I don’t come to your home and make myself comfortable.  Show me the same respect.  Then again, it’s not like I visit my guests or even know where they live.
I don’t get why people do that.  If you’re standing in the check lane and you decide you don’t want the item, don’t just stash it somewhere when the cahsier is right there.  Just hand it to them, and they can put it in an area to be picked up and put back on the sales floor.  I don’t know many people who buy their pillows out of the coke cooler.
It amazes me how well I can keep my cool when a guest is being a total a-hole.  When all I’m thinking in my head is how much I’d like to take my hand scanner and bash them over the head with it, what comes out is “Oh, no, that’s not a problem, I’ll void your entire $300 transaction full of cold items that we can’t resell and have to be defected out.”  Or even better, “Yes, of course it’s okay for you to run to the backhalf of the store to get that air freshener you wanted because you were under your spending budget for the day.”
In my mind, I’m beating the crap out of them, and face to face, I’m giving them roses and sunshine.
Maybe I’m just lucky that I can be polite while a guest is an asshole, or maybe I just get lucky that the guest doesn’t have the balls to complain about me when they know they’ve just been a dick to me.

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