Couponers: How I Loathe Thee, Extremist Part I

Extremists of anything are irritating.  Religion, causes, coupons.  They are also very good at instilling much rage in people.
                
There are your normal Joe couponers who clip what they need to save a few bucks for the household.  They only clip what they need and tend to stick to what they will actually use.  These people usually have less than 10 coupons unless the coupon books in the Sunday paper read their grocery lists in advance.
                
Then there are the Extreme Couponers.  Those like on the TLC show.  The ones who will clip anything and everything.  These are the people who have store rooms in their houses or basements full of shit that they will never, ever, ever use, but boy! Did they save a bundle on them or what?!  Or, they are the people who have little corner stores around town and are trying to resell these items for full price, I suppose it’s how they see wholesale instead of actually just buying wholesale themselves?  Whatever.
                
These people get really, really frisky with their coupon use.  Every store has a different coupon policy.  Some grocery stores will do double and triple coupons.  Since the store I work at is a general merchandise store, we don’t do crap like this.  We also have a very strict, yet fair coupon policy.  You can couple one store coupon and one manufacturer coupon for every item you have up to four items and coupons.  After that, we cannot accept any more like coupons.  Also, the coupon value may not exceed the value of the items purchased.
                
So, for those of you who keep trying to get the 97 cent eye drops with a $1 off coupon, please kindly go the hell away.
               
                
We offer printable store coupons on our website, this is awesome.  And we take printed online coupons from sites like coupons.com. 
                
However, don’t go and photocopy the coupons, because we can tell. Those are the ones that don’t scan.  Those are the ones that have the watermark almost totally faded off because they’ve been copied so many times.  Copy of a copy, if you will.
                
I once had a woman fight me over three cents.  Three. Pennies.  She had bought six economy sized bottles of Head and Shoulders and had coupons for buy one get one free.  In our system, the bottles were $4.99, so when ringing up these coupons, that’s what I typed in as the value to take off. 
                
Well, this just wouldn’t do for this woman because dammit! Those were $5 a piece!  They were not $4.99!  They were five!  She fought with me for five minutes over this.  And I explained to her and even pointed out to her that I couldn’t do it for $5 as that was over the amount of the item.  But she still fought with me.  So, rudely, I said to her “Fine, I’ll give you your three pennies. This is ridiculous.”  I changed the value of the coupons and told the lady her final total, then shoved her receipt at her (which fell onto the floor) and didn’t say a word to her after that.  The guest behind her told me that I had been right and she was just being petty.
               
  These people hold up the lines.  Those who know the policy, and know how it works typically go faster and their coupons match their products just fine, no issues.  But then there are those people who try to use the Crest 3D White Strips coupons on plain Jane Crest toothpaste.
                
Uh, honey, did you read it?  It says Crest 3D White Strips.  Not ANY Crest item.
                
Almost always when this is pointed out to them, they want the items taken off of their transaction.  Of course you do, because you were trying to get your plain toothpaste practically for free with this $3 off coupon when the toothpaste is about $3.29 or some such business.
                
Next come the coupons for Swiffer WetJet starter kits or Glade Diffusser Kits.  It clearly states that it has to be the kit.  Not the refill.  Not any Swiffer or Glade product.  The kits.  Which means they are more money.  No, I cannot use it on this Glade Plug-In, it’s not even a difusser.  Scrubbing Bubble Toilet Bowl Wand Kit coupons cannot be used on the wand refills.  The coupon even says so.
                
The Norelco coupons were a big hit just around the start of the year.  $10 off the Norelco SensoTouch Razor $50 or more in value.  Said so right there on every single coupon that came through the store.  Yet, people still got angry when we wouldn’t let them use them on the $10 dollar Norelco razors or blades.
                
“What do you mean this isn’t the right product?!  It’s Norelco isn’t it?”
                
“Yes, but it has a specific Norelco product on it.  And it says that it has to be $50 or more.  You can’t use a $10 coupon on an item that is $9.99.  Especially when it’s not the one listed on the coupon.’
                
“Well, I want to speak with your manager because people here have taken it before.”
               
  “Obviously that cashier had no idea what they were doing because this coupon isn’t valid.”
                
The manager always gets called and they get told they can’t use it, and the guest leave the check lane angrily, but making sure to yank their coupons back from me as they go.
                
Also in our coupon policy is that you can only use the four-by-four rule per household.  This means that you can’t do several transactions with the same items and same coupons.  If these things are going to Cousin Millie’s house, that’s cool, but since you’rethe one buying them, we can’t allow that to happen.  Your limit is four.  Deal with it.
                
I’ve even seen people park their shopping carts full of items with coupons off in Cosmetics and send their kids through the lanes with the money and coupons and then finally take themselves through the check lanes once their kids are done.  Good job teaching your kids how to cheat the system.
Check next week’s entry for Part Two of this entry on Couponers!
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