Guest: Hi, I’d like to return this.
Me: Alright.
Guest stands there staring at her phone or off into space.
I stand and wait.
Guest: Oh, do you need my receipt?
Me (being tongue-biting polite): Yes


Rise From the Corn Fields–Err, Ashes…

I am back!  Sorry I took a bit of a break, there.  I definitely needed the break from work and home and whatnot.  I enjoyed visiting my parents and seeing their new house.  The best parts of the trip were the Celestial Seasonings Tea Factory in Boulder, Colorado and the Petrified Wood Museum in the small town in Nebraska that my parents live in.

This trip marked my very first plane ride.  I was excited and nervous, though I ended up really, really liking it.  I pretty much want to fly everywhere possible now.  However, that requires money and I work part-time in retail.  Not gonna happen anytime soon.  Not with bills and whatnot.  Damn, why do people always want money from you?

We left early Friday morning and almost missed our flight because I had printed our tickets at home and left them there.  We were about ten minutes from the airport and it takes about an hour to get there from our house.  Thankfully we had left pretty early so when we got back, we managed to get through security with about two minutes to spare.  Needless to say, we were even more tired when we got on the plane.  My girlfriend fell asleep for most of the short two hour flight and I stayed awake entranced by being so high in the sky.

I was off of work for six days and it was wonderful.  Very, very wonderful.  I went back to work yesterday, and well, you shall see over the next post or two how that went for me.

However, until then, I hope you’re not too terribly mad at me for disappearing and I do hope that I haven’t lost anyone, either.  I’d be so unhappy if that were the case.  And if you’re new to my blog, welcome!  I’m glad to have you aboard.


I will warn you lovelies now, I might have a dead week or two in my posts.  I’m going on a vacation of sorts this time next week.  I’m going to visit my parents and thus taking my VERY FIRST plane trip.

I’m nervous and excited at the same time.  I know I’ll be okay.  It will be a rather short flight, so I will be okay.

I am going to churn out a post to have posted on Tuesday at my regularly scheduled time, but I’m not sure if I’ll be able to cough one up for the next week.

So do not despair!  I am not abandoning you all.  🙂

Gifts Suck

Aside from the fact that I can be a huge hard-ass when it comes to people returning things, sometimes I do genuinely feel bad when there is no way I can return an item for a guest.  What sucks the most is when someone has baby clothes that they received as a gift and the gift-giver bought them on clearance and didn’t give them a gift receipt.  Baby clothes usually fly right off the rack once they are marked down, so therefore they will salvage more quickly in some cases when the stock runs out.  This in turn means that the item will no longer exist in our system.  Which also means that after that has happened and it’s gone from our store, the guest can’t even get store credit for the item.

Gift receipts really are your best friend.  I find myself talking guests into at least getting a gift receipt with their purchases quite often in the hope that they will give the receipt to the recipient.  I’m sure most of them don’t, but at least I helped, you know?

Not that it matters if the purchaser never made the move to give a gift receipt in the first place.

I actually felt bad a few weeks ago when I could not find the gift receipt I had printed for a few items I bought for someone.  I’d left the receipt with the items until they were sent out and suddenly it was gone.  I preach about the importance of gift receipts (mostly in my head when people come in without gift receipts) and the one I had was gone.

So, there’s one set of guests I feel bad for.  If you’re giving a gift, give a gift receipt.  So many kids end up with the exact same toys or same clothes, or you got the wrong size, or the kid grew more than you thought.  It’s not that the recipient wants to be rude to return it, sometimes they just don’t have a need for several of the same thing for themselves or the kid.

Like, really, you’re going to a wedding and you really think that Aunt Sue maybe didn’t buy them the exact same thing from their registry that you’re buying?  Those registries can take a whole day to update at some stores and even that, most people don’t even USE the gift registry for the item.

So, it sucks when there’s a monetary limit on how much you can return at a store without any kind of proof of purchase and the person you gave things to is stuck with the item.  Then they bitch at me and tell me how it’s all my store’s fault for having a shit return policy.

You know what?  How about it’s shitty that the person who gave you this stuff didn’t give you a gift receipt?  Oh, no, Uncle Tom can’t be blamed because he’s old and that’s not how they did things in his day, no no.  You didn’t get no dad gum gift receipts!  You took what you got and you liked it!

Maybe if people weren’t so shitty and liked to steal everything and defraud everything and everyone, we wouldn’t have to have such rules in place.  So now, because of that, our policies suck to you because someone couldn’t give you a gift receipt out of the kindness of their hearts.

So the next time you’re buying someone a gift and it’s a big event like a birthday, a wedding, a baby shower, something where a lot of people you may not even know existed could be buying them gifts, do that person a favor and give them a gift receipt.  It’s not that they don’t like what you got (not all of the time anyway), it’s that they don’t need 8 food processors.  Seriously.  Who does?

Coupon Poll!

If you could please take the time to answer my poll and possibly pass this along, I would greatly appreciate it, thank you so much.  Also, any other input would be awesome, too.


Tweets Are Non-Returnable

Well my pretties, it seems it dawned on me today that it would be a brilliant idea to start a twitter account for my blog.  To give you some more updates about my life behind the big desk.

Sometimes I’m sneaky and ‘bad’ and keep my phone on my at work.  Okay, so maybe that’s every day, but that’s not the point.  You see, with this, you might get some up-to-the-minute updates on the latest Douchebag Supreme that’s told me off for not accepting the iPad they opened and kicked around a few times.

You can follow me at srvdeskjockey for all of the ooey gooeyness of it all.  There’s not much there at the moment, but don’t let that scare you!  There shall be bloo– uh, gossip!

Biking After Theft

Some people are really, really brave.  And really, really dumb.

But this should come as no surprise to me or you, my lovely readers, that people are fucking dumb.  Especially not in my line of work.

A few weeks ago, a guest walked into the building that immediately roused suspicion.  I’d been at the service desk trying to help a guest with something and one of my co-workers had come up, too, and was trying to help.  He lost concentration in what we were doing when he spotted this individual.  I turned to look what he was looking at and knew.  He finished with the guest and myself quickly and got AP on the walkie.

After I went back to piddling around the service desk doing nothing important, I actually forgot about the guy who walked in.  Then, maybe twenty or thirty minutes later, as I was outside the desk rummaging in a cart, I saw him again.  Holding some items in his hands.  He stopped at the cart well by the exit door and looked at me.  We had a stare down for a moment.  I didn’t react or do anything because I knew he was already being watched.  I knew he’d be caught.

Well, the dude just walks out the exit door.  Didn’t even try to hide the shit in his hands, either!  He just walks out.  I walk back behind the service desk just in time to watch our newest AP addition come racing from around the corner and fly out the door.  I didn’t see what happened outside as there’s this thing called a wall between me and the exit doors.

However, he escorts the guy back in and points up to me and says “She can help you right here.”

I smile and begin ringing up his items.  The total was just under $100.  While I’m doing this, he’s humming and talking to himself avoiding eye contact with me completely.  He goes to swipe his debit card.  Upside down.  About five times before he realized he was doing it wrong and fixed it.  He was so nervous, but was trying to act cool and confident at the same time.  It really wasn’t working for him at all.

He leaves with his almost-stolen goods.  I have a good laugh at his expense and so do a few other people.  It was a grand ole time.  We decided that he would probably be back eventually to try to return the items.

The rest of the night goes on without a hitch.  Nothing else interesting happens.

Then, about five minutes to close, I’m standing by a checklane talking to someone when out of the corner of my eye I see a white flash and hear the familiar clicking of a bicycle.

It was him,  he’d come back just a few short hours later.  Riding his bike through the store.  He took off down an aisle.  Immediately I heart my co-worker from before call AP.

How bold can one person be?

He  grabbed something and rode his bike up to the only checklane left open and got in line.  He got off his bike at a request from my supervisor, but there he stood.  Our AP didn’t even try to hide that he was watching him.  He stood at the checklane next to the one he was in and just watched.

Apparently, he forgot something and had to come back to get it.  He paid for his item, but not before leaving dirt and grass all over the check lane, and then making sure he wasted more time by hanging out by our trash and recycling bins.  The store had been closed for at least ten minutes at this point.

What he was really doing, we may never know, I just know that I will never forget him now.  Especially since he had some of the longest dreadlocks I’ve ever seen in the worst half-ponytail in the world.  It was like half of his head aspired to be Snooki’s wig replacement.

Some people just don’t know when to cut their losses.  He got on his bike and left the store.  I haven’t seen him since, but that doesn’t mean he hasn’t been in.