By All Means, Please Go Jump in the Empty Concrete Pit

Winter rolls in in the middle of the night while Autumn is still teasing us with her warm days and nights and cold breezes.  You think to yourself, I can go swimming one last time.

Then you realize it’s December and you’d rather cuddle under the blankets than step outside into the massive freezer that is Earth.

Thus is the reason why many hotels will shut down their pool areas during the winter.  Yes, even the indoor ones.  Why you ask?

Because hotels turn into The Shining in the winter and there are hardly any people there to justify keeping all of those pumps and water running for the occasional person who wants to freeze their nuts off in the pool, then kamikaze jump into the hot tub.  Plus, it’s nice to be able to clean up after a hard summer of unbathed children and adults getting into the pool and hot tub with their 12 hour drive funk.

“What do you mean your pool and hot tub are closed?”

“It’s winter.”

“But that’s when people want the hot tub the most!”

“I can rent you our three-room suite with a whirlpool tub if you need that.”

“No!  That’s too expensive.  God, is there ANYWHERE ELSE in this town that has a pool?”

“Only two other hotels have a pool, and they’re both outdoor and neither have a hot tub.  But they do have jacuzzi suites.  I’m sure they will be able to give you more information.”

“Well, we’ll just be moving along then.”

“Yes, have a good evening, good luck.”

I have this conversation with people almost nightly.  It’s ridiculous.  Yes, I realize that our pool is indoor, but the pool itself isn’t heated and even in September when it was still warm outside, barely anyone was in the pool.  It’s just not cost effective.  However, if you would like to see that our pool is “really closed,” by all means, I’ll let you go see the empty concrete pit that sits there.  I’m sure if you dump your water bottle over your head, it will stimulate the effects of me attempting to drown you in your precious chemical-filled water.

It’s hard to tell which is worse, people complaining that the pool is shut down due to bad weather, or people complaining that it is shut down in the winter.  This isn’t Texas where it’s warm most of the year.  This is Nebraska and sorry to say, it gets COLD here.

Have fun when you catch pneumonia, you prick.

 

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